Still Wednesday

Garrison point of view back at his house

Garrison:

"Mum I need to talk to you."

Mum:

"Of course what is it baby boy?"

Garrison:

"She want me to be her fake dad and I do not know how to be a single dad even if it is fake."

Mum:

"Maybe you can ask your dad."

Garrison:

"Mum we both know that I do not see dad I only see him once a week maybe I should ask uncle Tomas."

Mum:

"Baby but your dad."

Garrison:

"Thanks mum I will be back before dinner."

Garrison mum point of view

When I my son came home my husband was watching us.

Garrison:

"Mum I need to talk to you."

Garrison mum:

"Of course what is it baby boy?"

Garrison:

"She want me to be her fake dad and I do not know how to be a single dad even if it is fake."

Garrison mum:

"Maybe you can ask your dad."

Garrison:

"Mum we both know that I do not see dad I only see him once a week maybe I should ask uncle Tomas."

Garrison mum:

"Baby but your dad."

Garrison:

"Thanks mum I will be back before dinner. Babe he did not mean it."

Garrison dad:

"Why my brother and not me."

Garrison mum:

"He does have a point and you know that."

Garrison dad:

"I know but my brother."

Garrison mum:

"Babe."

Garrison dad:

"Maybe I should have more time at home."

Garrison mum:

"Baby you can't help it and you know that it is your job."

Garrison dad:

"I know baby but I need some time on my own."

Garrison mum:

"I am sorry babe I love you."

Garrison dad:

"And I love you too but just let me think about it ok."

Garrison mum:

"Ok."

Back to Garrison point of view

Knock knock

Garrison:

"UNCLE TOMAS OPEN UP."

Uncle Tomas:

"COMING...Garrison does your mum know that you are here."

Garrison:

"Yeah she does but I need to talk to you so can I come in or are you going to leave me here because I do not want to do that."

Uncles Tomas:

"Fine come in and have a seat do you want something to drink."

Garrison:

"No thank you."

Uncles Tomas:

"Ok so tell me everything."

Garrison:

And I did tell him everything. "So what should I do?"

Uncles Tomas:

"I think you should do it."

Garrison:

"I know I should but I do not know how to be a dad even a single dad even if it is fake or not."

Uncle Tomas:

"One no one knows how to be a dad they just do it like that."

Garrison:

"Please just teach me how to be a single dad like you."

Uncles Tomas:

"Fine but you must listen to everything I say deal."

Garrison:

"Yes now tell me your way on how to be a single dad."

Uncle Tomas:

"Curfews, makeup, training bras, real bras, mood swings, BOYS!... Raising kids as a single parent is never easy, but raising a teenage daughter as a single dad? Well, that can be frustrating at best and sheer torture at worst. From boyfriends and prom dresses to teen angst, drugs and alcohol, navigating those teen girl waters isn't easy for a grown man. If you're hoping to make life a little more predictable (and maybe a tad less volatile), here are a few tips I've learned along the way."

Garrison:

"What do that mean?"

Uncle Tomas:

"It means you better start learning these things because let me tell you it is not all easy. Expect the unexpected you're well into the teenage years. You think you know what to expect by now. Well... forget it. Life with a teenage daughter is unpredictable. Moods are a great example of this. She'll cry or scream one second, then become chirpy and excited the next. You get a warm hug after a lecture one day, then she shouts at you when you express your concern for her safety the next. But don't worry. Remember, there are no rules to remember. Go with the flow Pops. Just do what you see as best in any given situation and don't worry about the reaction. The key for me is staying calm and trying not to look bewildered all the time. She doesn't need to know you think she's a wingnut. The look I always get ... "Really Dad?" Land the helicopter. As a father, it's your natural instinct to be overprotective, especially when it comes to daughters. But if that helicopter is hovering a little too close lately, you're running a dangerous game. You don't want to be in a situation where you're solving her problems all the time - particularly if there's not a mother there for counterbalance. And you're raising a budding adult; you want her to learn to resolve problems herself. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and confidently face the challenges that life throws her way. Of course, keep her out of harm's way, but have faith in her ability to make the right decisions. As long as you're there for her, it's okay to give her a little freedom. Uncomfortable? Stick around. Teen girl topics probably aren't your cup o' tea. It's easy to avoid uncomfortable subjects with your daughter (think relationships and bodily changes). But as difficult as it is, never hesitate to share advice with her - especially about relationships. The fact is, you have a very important perspective when it comes to boys, having been one yourself. While you may or may not want to dive too deep into the subject, you need to at least talk to her about keeping it safe and avoiding bad decisions she may later regret. And hey, none of us want to talk about those bodily changes. If her mother isn't around, try to get a sister or a friend to help you out. Trust me, she wants to talk to you about her body about as much as you want to talk to her about it. My daughter constantly reminds me that "you don't know what it's like DAD!!!"  The worst thing you can do? Ignoring it altogether. Get someone in there to handle it. Stop solving all the problems. Communication is key in any relationship. With your daughter, she's not always looking for you to solve her problems. Most men tend to listen long enough to identify the problem, and then we are off, on to the solution. My daughters would rather we listen for understanding and let them work out solutions. Keeping the lines of communication open requires time, patience and a willingness to make it a priority. From my own experience, I have found that staying engaged on some of the more trivial topics (who's mad at who, which of her friends are most annoying, etc.) makes my daughter to be more inclined to share more serious topics (there's a new boy I like, my friends are doing hard drugs, etc.). Don't go it alone if you don't have to. Most dads understand the importance of a female mentor in the lives of our daughters. For some, a grandmother, aunt or other family member can assume that role. For others, it's the mom of a friend his daughter's age, maybe a church youth leader, coach or counselor. Regardless, finding a strong and capable female role model is critical to your daughter's development. The moral of the story for me is don't try too hard to be the perfect father (mainly because there is no such thing). It feels like I'm always making mistakes and I have a tendency to beat myself up about it. What I am finding to be of utmost importance is to just be there for her whenever I can, wherever I can. No amount of "I love you" can replace your presence. I believe love is a verb, not a noun."

Garrison;

"Yes I think so."

Uncles Tomas:

"Good do you want me to drop you off at home."

Garrison:

"No thanks uncle I need to learn something about how to be a single dad."

Uncle Tomas:

"Have fun with that."

Garrison:

As I was talking home I might ask her what she thinks on what she wants in a dad maybe that can help me. "Mum I am home and I need some learning to do."

Mum:

"You learning like what."

Garrison:

"How to be a single dad."

Mum:

"So what did your uncle told you."

Garrison:

"A lot of things that I think that I might use."

Mum:

"Your dad wants to see you."

Garrison:

"About what and I thought he was coming back next week."

Mum:

"Well he came back early."

Garrison:

"Do you know why?"

Mum:

"No I do not now go."

Garrison:

"Ok I am going."

Knock knock

Dad:

"Come in..son close the door."

Garrison:

"Ok."

Dad:

"Have a sit."

Garrison:

"Dad whatever this is I do not have time for it."

Dad:

"Oh I think you do now listen up."

Garrison:

"What."

Dad:

"I will give you a bank card and a car but you can only use them for when you are with her."

Garrison:

"Dad we talk about this o do not what your money I am working so I do not have to use yours or mum money."

Dad:

"And I know that but please let me help you."

Garrison:

"No dad."

Dad:

"Son."

Garrison;

"You are not a dad when you are not even here I only see you once a week so what do you know about being a dad now can I leave."

Dad:

"Go for it."

Garrison mum point of view

Garrison mum:

"How did it go."

Garrison dad:

"Not good and his he really working."

Garrison mum:

"Yeah he is."

Garrison dad:

"Since when."

Garrison mum:

"A couple of years now."

Garrison dad:

"Wow I really know nothing about my son."

Garrison mum:

"Hey you are giving us everything we need and that is enough."

Garrison dad:

"No it is not I don't even know my own son."

Garrison mum:

"It is ok wow come and eat."

Garrison dad:

"Fine."

Garrison mum:

"Good."